An Enema Of The People

"It Would Take An Enema To Clean This Place (Hempstead Town Hall) Out. . ."

Gee, we wish we had said that. We didn't. And it might surprise you - or not - as to whom this profound remark has been attributed. [No, it is not Harriet "George, you're the best Governor ever" Miers.] Believe it or not, the fella who thought our Town Hall could use a good lavage was none other than former U.S. Senator, former Town of Hempstead Supervisor, former Town of Hempstead Receiver of Taxes, Alphonse D'Amato.

Of course, Al made that comment back in the day when the County GOP was looking for a replacement for then-Town Supervisor, Rich Guardino, who wisely left the wacky world of politics for the semi-sanity of academia. Back in the day before Kate Murray appointed Al's wife to the Town of Hempstead's Zoning Board of Appeals. Do you think Katuria's into enemas?

Oh well. We guess Town Hall didn't need such a cleansing breath after all. Walk the halls and view a virtual Who's Who of deposed Congressmen, Comptrollers and cronies galore. Who said you can't go back to the good old days? They do it daily in Hempstead Town. In fact, they've never left!

Its always alumni weekend at the College of Committeemen. Where else in the world does time stand still? Where but Hempstead Town Hall can you chat with a GOP Committeeman, former Town Councilman, Town Attorney and General Counsel for a Town Sanitary District, not only all at the same time, but all in the same person?

Hempstead Town Hall - Where elephants go, not to die, but, much like the Emerald City of Frank Baum, to get a "brush, brush here, brush, brush there." [Too bad the Wizard ran out of brains and heart after the Scarecrow and the Tin Man!] Ah, but pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. The Machine is still spewing smoke, venting more hot air than carried Dorothy's Wizard back to Kansas in that balloon. And like the Wizard of old -- who was really no wizard at all -- those in "control" of whatever little they will admit to controling at Town Hall really "don't know how to work this thing!" And that's why we say, "they can't come back."

If only we could click our heels three times -- "There's no face like Kate's. There's no face like Kate's. There's no face like Kate's" -- and wake up to find that its all been a bad technicolor dream. "You were there, Uncle Alphonse. And you, and you, and you..." Alas, we are awake (well, some of us are, anyway), and the nightmare just gets worse.

Of course, movies cost a whole lot more today than they did in the 1930s -- both to make and to see. The cost of flying monkeys -- or was that flying Murrays -- is now through the roof. [Must be that Reassessment thing.] A good crystal ball will run you a hefty sum. Particularly one like they have at Town Hall, that only looks back into the past, rather than forward into the future. "I'll get you, my pretty. And your Town Attorney, too!"

Could it be that Senator D'Amato was misquoted? Maybe we heard incorrectly. It wasn't an "enema" that's needed at Town Hall. Its "Auntie Em." Or was that "Auntie 'M'" as in "Murray?" Yeah, that's the ticket. "Auntie M. Auntie M. I want to come home. Why did you change the lock on the storm cellar door? Auntie M? Hellllooooooo..."

On second thought, maybe Al was trying to tell us something else, in his oddly obtuse way. That we, the voters, had the power to come home -- and to take back our Town -- all along. All we have to do is click the right levers on Election Day. Ah, so there is no place like home, after all!

ELECTION DAY IS TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 8th. BE THAT MAN (OR WOMAN) BEHIND THE CURTAIN. VOTE!
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