Friday, May 04, 2007

Do You Believe In Evolution?

3 Out of Every 10 Republicans Don't!

Three out of the ten GOP presidential candidates appearing at last night's Republican debate raised their hands when Chris Matthews asked, "Do any of you not believe in evolution?"

The other seven believe in evolution, but think that gravity is only a theory.

As Emil Steiner opines in today's Washington Post, "Although they didn't say it directly, is it safe to infer from this that they would prefer creationism were taught in public school science classes? The question came toward the end of the event and was quickly glossed over, but I couldn't help wondering what it would be like if the most powerful person on earth thought the planet was only 4,000 years old."

All ten in this diverse crowd (looked like poker night at the Garden City Country Club, didn't it?), representing every possible shade of white American male, believes in fairies -- though not of the gay variety -- and half believe in peanut butter.

They didn't think too much about funding for stem cell research. After all, someone might find a cure for ignorance, and where would that leave them?

John McCain skipped both his Best of Streisand and the Popeye impersonation, trying to convince himself that the war is going well. [Of course, he's referring to the Vietnam War. A few more years and a little more napalm, and we'll have pushed those gooks all the way back to Hanoi. Yup, we'll capture Ho Chi Minh if John has to chase him all the way to the gates of Hell by himself. Run, John, run.]

Mayor Guiliani managed to lisp his way through the debate, and skirt the tough issues without damaging his reputation as the most liberal fascist in the United States.

Ron Paul was good. We like a guy who says what's on his mind. We also enjoy his wife's fish sticks. Then again, we were expecting Rupaul.

Mitt Romney (son of another George, a moderate Republican, by today's standards, born in Mexico, emigrating to this country before we started building fences) came off as the most presidential -- and congenial -- of the bunch. Another Joel Osteen. After the debate, Mitt thanked his wives for their support. Question is, is America ready for its first Mormon president?

Why not? Its just a short hop from moron president to Mormon president, isn't it? [A difference of a single consonant. Or, as "W" spells it, no difference at all!]

Nancy Reagan was at the debate -- in the physical sense. Secret service agents had to keep her from trying to board that mock-up of Air Force One which hung precariously overhead. [Who hangs an airplane in a library?]

President Bush skipped the debate. He was honing his singing skills with Sanjaya for his next appearance on American Idol -- where there are more votes compiled weekly than in the last two presidential elections combined.

And President Reagan, God rest his sole, was looking down on the spectacle from above. He used to say, "mommy" all the time. It was a term of endearment. Last night, he just shook his head, closed his eyes, and screamed, "uncle."

Now, for the more mundane machinations of Long Island's elected and electorate, we return you to the regularly scheduled rendition (sans too much torture) of The Community Alliance blog.

Read on. Write on. Bring it on!

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