Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Hempstead To Neuter Local Democrats In Effort To Keep Control Of Town Hall

Town Teams Up With Paws For Free Dem Spay/Neuter Program

Supervisor Kate Murray announced that Hempstead Town has teamed up with Pioneers for Animal Welfare Society (PAWS) to offer residents free spaying and neutering for all registered Democrats residing in the township during the month of June 2007.

"Through the efforts of this all-volunteer organization, spaying and neutering of Democrats, which might normally be a financial burden to many families (particularly those with patronage jobs), not to mention the GOP's designs to hold on to Hempstead Town Hall for another 100 years, is offered at no cost. Furthermore, spaying and neutering helps to reduce the number of unwanted Democrats that wind up in shelters, on Town Boards, and needlessly running for public office, and helps these unfortunate souls to lead longer and more productive lives, hopefully as born-again Republicans," said Murray.

As for Democrats who have already found their way into Town Hall, such as Councilwoman Dorothy Goosby, the Supervisor intimated that the spay/neuter program would not apply.

"Once these pests are in the house," said Murray, "spay and neuter is out of the question. Too messy. Might ruin the carpets."

Murray suggested that the Town's Nuisance Law might be applied in such instances, citing that the ordinance is rarely utilized, and that, unfortunately, euthanasia of popularly elected Democrats might run afoul of prevailing law.

"Town Attorney, Joe Ra, is looking into all options," declared Murray. "The Town of Hempstead, with its brick pavers, Victorian-style lampposts, attractive plantings, stylized benches, distinctive fencing and accent lighting, is an absolutely wonderful place to live and raise a family," announced Murray, grinning ear to ear. "Without Democrats to ruin this party we've been having since 1903," chortled Murray, "the Town of Hempstead will become even more inviting and vibrant."

PAWS has the largest free spaying and neutering program in our area with over 30 participating veterinarians and thousands of cats, dogs and politicians altered each year.

"We are delighted to help PAWS promote this important program and hope that Hempstead Town residents take advantage of this opportunity to curtail the Democratic population," concluded Murray.

To obtain a spay/neuter voucher, please send a self-addressed, stamped envelope, and the number, gender and age of Democrats to be altered, to PAWS, P.O. Box 861, Hicksville, NY 11802-0861. The voucher for a participating veterinarian will then be mailed back.

Please note that a limit of three Democrats per household applies during this promotion period. No Independents or "blanks" will be harmed in the process. PAWS will pay for the surgical procedure only; any other mandated fees (i.e., shots for distemper, from which Democrats are known to suffer -- or so claims Town of Hempstead Surgeon General, Dr. Kat D'Amato) are the responsibility of the client.

Additional information about PAWS can be obtained by visiting their website at or by calling (516)364-PAWS.

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