Town of Hempstead Implements Hurricane Preparedness Plan;
Supervisor Murray Welcomes New Director of Emergency Management
In the wake of Katrina's devastation, and with Ophelia lapping at the Carolina coast, Town of Hempstead Supervisor, Kate Murray, held a news conference at Town Hall to announce that Michael Brown, the former Director of FEMA (of "Where is New Orleans, anyway?" fame), has been hired by America's largest township as chief of its Emergency Management team.
"We dare not wait for disaster to strike," declared Murray, "leaving our Town totally unprepared tomorrow."
The Supervisor concluded, "We must be totally unprepared today!"
The new Hurricane Preparedness Plan, adopted at last week's meeting of the Town Board (Councilman Anthony Santino abstaining, saying, "Residents enjoy a good Category 5 Hurricane. In fact, my constituents tell me they'd pay twice as much in taxes just to have their houses destroyed by such a storm!"), is the brainchild of Michael Brown, who drew up the plan based on his experiences with Katrina.
"You really can't blame the feds for the screw up in New Orleans," rambled Brown. "See, we had bad intelligence."
In consultation with Supervisor Murray, and with the approval of the Commissioners of Sanitary District 2, the Town has set in motion an evacuation plan like no other before it. Michael Brown highlighted the Town's strategy as follows:
"First, a helicopter will land outside Town Hall, at which time Supervisor Murray, her Dad, her Brother, and two Siamese cats to be named later (probably "Murray") will be airlifted out of harm's way. Then, an Executive Order will issue, directing the evacuation of all stray cats and dogs, with those animals that cannot leave (with the notable exception of donkeys) to be directed to the Nassau Coliseum..."
"Did someone say 'Coliseum'?" interjected a now beaming Murray.
"No, Kate," chimed Chief of Staff, Ray Mineo. "Not THAT Coliseum."[Alluding to the Coliseum Deli, official caterer to Town Hall.]
"And what happens next?" asked a Reporter for the New Orleans Times-Picayune.
"Next?" replied Murray, her new Emergency Management chief nodding off at the microphone. "Next we load up the Republican Committeemen, the folks from the Water Districts, and whoever may be left in the cafeteria at 1 Washington Street."
"What of the rest of us?" shouted an Elmont resident. [Murray, whispering to Mineo: "Its that Pat Nicolosi fella. Let him swim with the fishes in East Rockaway."] "Er, ah, don't worry. We'll put extra trucks on once the water subsides to get everyone to safety. Meanwhile, each household will be issued a flotation device - with my photo on it. Just hang on for dear life until the Coast Guard can rescue you."
As the press conference drew to a close, a heavy rain began to fall on Town Hall. "Its the beginning of the end," murmured Murray. "Better make sure the Parks Department has the Ark ready." [Pan to the Town storehouse, where the finishing touches are being put on the Ark by Town workers. Close-up of the sign being carefully affixed to the Ark's Bow; focus on inscription: Town of Hempstead Ark - Kate Murray, Captain. Pan to a dejected Al D'Amato. "They should have called it the Titanic!"]
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Levity aside, we are in the midst of the hurricane season, and as we've not experienced a major blow to our coastline since the Long Island Express of 1938, we've become complacent, to say the least. Fact is, WE'RE DUE!
Be prepared. Don't wait until the storm is upon us.
Click here for more information on Hurricane Preparedness.