Supervisor Announces Bovine Beautification Program
Here at The Community Alliance blog, we've chewed the cud with Nigerian goats, opined about flying swine, and even honked over a mother goose that lost her way.
But its all about cow-mmunity on this blog.
So, its only fitting that we go out to pasture for a courageous cow who literally escaped the slaughterhouse, living to let the cow chips fall where they may for another day.
A life of leisure on the farm for Molly the runaway cow?
Not so fast, Borden breath.
Town of Hempstead Supervisor, Kate Murray, has other plans for Molly. Big plans. The kinda plans that make for extra copies of those Murraygrams underfoot, so you won't step in any cow you-know-what.
Yes, at a news conference hastily called this morning in front of the Dairy Barn on Washington Street, Murray, sporting a black and white imitation cowhide jacket, and Town Councilwoman, Angie Cullin, of Angie Cullin's Culinary Delights & Gun Shop, told reporters that Molly -- and her entire bovine family, thrice remoooved -- would be relocated to Hempstead Town, put on the payroll (of course), and permitted to munch away at weeds on the great Hempstead Plain.
"We absolutely believe that there's a place for Molly in Hempstead Town," said a smiling Murray. "She's got moxie, two stomachs, a miniscule carbon footprint, and we've got more bull here in this town than any cow could handle."
That Methane footprint, on the other hand...
Never one to miss a photo op, the Supervisor promptly hopped upon Mollie's hump -- with the able assistance of Senior Councilman Tony "I thought we were going to bar-b-que this beast" Santino -- and rode off directly into the sun toward Levittown.
"Hiyo Molly, away," shouted Murray.
Free milk today for everyone in Hempstead Town. Next week, a chicken in every special district.
Folks, you simply cannot make this stuff up. And you thought this only happens in the moooovies...
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From the pages of Newsday:
[This one deserves a Pulitzer -- or is that a Bullitzer?]
Cow escapes slaughterhouse and moves to LI sanctuary
BY JOHN VALENTI AND ROCCO PARASCANDOLA firstname.lastname@example.org email@example.com
On any udder day she would have been on the chopping block.
But a day after a 1-year-old bovine scrammed from a slaughterhouse in Queens, the cow, now dubbed Molly, arrived on Long Island.The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals said Molly, spared from death row, was transported to a Calverton sanctuary named The Farrm Thursday.
"The ASPCA is happy to make Molly's future brighter," said Joseph Pentangelo, assistant director of the agency.
It is a moo-ving story.
On Wednesday, Molly had a legitimate beef with her future: She was slated to become a New York strip, among other prime cuts, at the Musa Halal Inc. slaughterhouse on Beaver Road in South Jamaica.
But instead of kowtowing to fate, Molly broke out at 1 p.m.
The dairy queen led a Wild West cattle drive down 109th Avenue, as she dodged cars, cops and butchers - cutting through a driveway and busting through a fence before officers cornered her in a backyard, shot her with a tranquilizer gun and lassoed her.
She was then loaded into a horse trailer, though not before ramming her head into the side of it, police said.Thursday morning the ASPCA announced Molly was headed for greener pastures.