Just days after the Dynastic Duo of Hempstead Town, Supervisor Kate Murray and Senior Councilman Anthony Santino, knocked down the Oceanside Motel's sign and tore down its walls, the pair took a blow-torch to the neighboring Oceanside Foodtown, burning the building to the ground. "We are marking the end of the Oceanside Foodtown’s 'reign of appetizing' on this community," announced Murray. "This unwelcome neighbor is gone and in its place we will build yet another unnecessary and non-revenue raising local parking lot."
Murray and Santino had spearheaded the torching of the long abandoned Foodtown. The vacant building was, in its heyday, the home of sordid sales of canned goods, including the dreaded string beans and notorious creamed corn. In April of 2004, town officials directed the town attorney's office to move forward with a plan to order 365 deli platters and convert the site to an annex of the Coliseum Deli. In May of this year the court signed an order clearing the shelves of the former supermarket of everything from pasta to glazed ham, and word went out at Town Hall to begin preparing Maletov Cocktails. "The town has moved aggressively to burn down the Oceanside Foodtown, and it's very gratifying to be able to see this place go up in flames now," said Santino. "We've worked hand-in-hand with arsonists, gang warlords, and the homeless to make Oceanside an even seedier place to live, and removing the remnants of the supermarket by conflagration is an important part of our commitment to destroy the community."
As black smoke rose over Oceanside, 126 companies with 1029 pieces of equipment responding, Murray waxed poetic, the glow of the searing flames reflecting in the Supervisor's glistening eyes.“Sure,” said Murray, roasting a marshmallow on the charred remains of what was the Foodtown checkout counter, “hammering that wrecking ball through the walls of the Oceanside Motel was awesome, but nothing beats a 5-alarmer to get the blood flowing. Care for a wiener on a toasted bun?”
Murray and Santino indicated that the town is preparing to build a parking field – number 1,478 in a series -- at the location. Construction is tentatively slated for later this fall, the cooling of the ground below the former Foodtown’s foundation permitting. The Supervisor and Councilman said that the parking lot would be aesthetically attractive and coordinate with recent work the town has performed on local streetscape enhancements and building façade beautification. “Oh, screw that,” said Murray. “It’s a f---n parking lot. Asphalt. Concrete barriers. Parking meters tied in to the Property Tax bills of every man, woman and child in Oceanside’s glorious Parking District. You expected maybe Nirvana? Who’s kidding whom? You want those uneven brick paved walkways with weeds sprouting in every direction? Or those new plantings that no one from the Town will ever water? Granted, the Victorian lighting does give residents the opportunity to pay more into the Town Lighting District’s coffers, something Tony tells me residents would enjoy, but God Almighty, do we really need another (expletive) parking lot here?”
“We’re continuing the town's efforts to make Oceanside's downtown even more desolate and unattractive,” declared Councilman Santino, popping Jiffy Pop over red hot embers, as firefighters lugged hoses across the sidewalk.
"Councilman Santino and I want to thank Oceanside neighbors for working with us to rid this community of the Oceanside Motel and the Oceanside Foodtown," concluded Murray. "Today is the beginning of a new and promising Master Plan to build a parking field for every family in this neighborhood and throughout Oceanside. Tomorrow, we sack Nemo’s. After that, who knows?”
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POSTSCRIPT: At 10:30 AM today (November 15th), the Hempstead Town Board holds its monthly meeting.
There is an item on the Administrative Calendar (meaning, without public comment) to bond $24,000,000 to finance highway and road improvements, as well as millions of dollars in other bonds (meaning, Property Tax increases) -- for heavy equipment, light equipment, a truck washing station, and the list goes on and on. What? No parking lots?
At the Town Board meeting to be held on December 13, 2005 at 10:30 AM, there will be public hearings on Resolutions regarding the annual compensation of the office of Supervisor, Councilmembers and Town Clerk. Do you think there will be anything left over for a raise for Kate's Dad, Brothers and sundry other relatives? Well, they can always float a bond!