Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Hempstead Town To Move Operations To Dubai

"Its A Great Place To Raise A Family," Says Town Supervisor Kate Murray

Quick on the heels of Haliburton's exodus from the U.S. -- moving both corporate HQ and Dick Cheney's Vice-Presidential Library to the middle eastern emirate of Dubai -- Town of Hempstead officials announced today that they will vacate Town Hall (now located in the village of Hempstead) by year's end, setting up shop and printing presses in this wealthy kingdom.

"Where better to establish a fiefdom that runs on the rules of antiquity, catering to the wealthy and the privileged," said Town Councilman and newly annointed Prince of Dubai, Mohammed Al Sadr Santino.

Already, hoards of GOP Committeemen have renewed passports (at the Town Clerk's convenient "one-stop passport shop"), and are en route as we blog to the new Town Hall (dubbed by County Republican officials as the Palace of the Mondelloids) in beautiful downtown Dubai City.

"I'm thinking Victorian-Style street lamps near those palm trees," declared a jubilant Kate Murray, as she tried on burqa in various shades of black. "And brick pavers leading down to the beach," continued the Supervisor. "That would be a nice touch."

Leaving the Town of Hempstead behind for new digs in Dubai wasn't an easy decision for Kate & Company.

"Sure, we've had it with those peons whining about illegal apartments, blighted downtowns, special taxing districts, and lax code enforcement," said Murray. "Still, I'll miss those lunches and 4 o'clock snacks from the Coliseum Deli."

According to Charles Theofan, Commissioner of the Town's Department of Planning & Economic Development, once the Town's operations have fully migrated to Dubai, the population of America's largest Township will likely decrease by some 100,000 people.

"That's the number of GOP Committeemen, their spouses, parents, and fourth cousins thrice removed, on the Town's payroll," said Theofan.

The good news is that the current Town Hall will be readily convertible into affordable housing -- or a combination OTB Parlor and storage facility.

John Loeffel, former Building Commish for the Town of Hempstead, leaves his Knoll Lane home tomorrow for Dubai City, where he will serve as head of the Town's advance team, securing necessary permits and variances -- or not.

Will the residents of Hempstead Town, left behind to fend for themselves, be able to make do without an effective -- and local -- Town government?

"We've been getting by without for over 100 years," chortled an Elmont civic leader, speaking only on condition that he be permitted to help Kate pack her steamer trunk. "Having no Town government at all could only be an improvement!"

1 comment:

  1. Is this really true? How are these public officials and servants legally allowed to migrate
    to the Middle East? Why not take their United States Citizenships away, rather than issue themselves passports, and ENRON the whole office of incompetents, who are without consciences!
    Allow the citizens to govern themselves, and there should be no more political elections. Choices by the people for the people, with a legal representative as arbitrator. We the citizens choose who should manage are own individual communities. All for one and one for all!!!